Well, my friends… It’s just become the beginning of a new decade.
I don’t know about you, but I find that promising and terrifying all at the same time.
I will be THIRTY when this decade is over. What?!
Today, I’m going to be sharing 5 things I am letting go of in 2020. Some of these things are tangible and some of them are not. Personally, I feel that in life we hold onto so many things that we shouldn’t. Be it stress we’ve had so long we don’t remember what life was like before we obtained it or unneeded clutter in our home because “worldly items” have filled a void we didn’t even know was there, we all have at least one or two things we need to let go of. Here are some of mine….
- The expectation that everyone will like me – I do not mean for this to come across as conceited in any way, shape, or form. I truly believe that every individual has goodness within them. The optimist in me says that even if someone doesn’t initially like me, they will once they get to know me. I’ve learned this tenfold that this isn’t always the case. It doesn’t me I’m a bad person or the person who doesn’t like me is a bad person; it means that our personalities, souls, auras, etc. don’t blend well together. And, that’s OK.
- Requiring myself to maintain an “A” in every class in order to be smart – Your grades don’t define you. All my life I felt like all I was known for was being the smart home-schooled girl. Now, I’m known as the smart online college student. I’m in my 3rd semester of online college and I love it, but it gets to be a lot. I work full time and have never had excessive stamina. Nonetheless, when I started college I told myself I had to finish every class with an “A” otherwise I was pretty much a failure. Looking back, I see how much of a crazy expectation this was. A turning point for me was finishing my first college class with a “B.” Overall, it didn’t even effect my GPA, but it hurt my pride — bad. I felt worthless and I avoided talking to my professors about my upcoming exams because I was afraid they would be disappointed in me. Needless to say, I was shocked when I spoke to my English Communications professor (the class I got the overall “B” in) and he congratulated me on doing so well on my last essay and how hopeful he was for my future submissions. After I hung up the phone I immediately started balling in the car outside work (good thing my mascara for the day was waterproof!) How could he thing I was excelling? I got a “B”? Doesn’t he know that an “A” is better/best? In short, I guess what I’m trying to say is that everyone’s “best” is something different and that is nothing to be ashamed of. My professor knew I gave that class my all and that was all I could do. My worth was not diminished by this and my pride has since recovered. Being overly prideful in my school work has always been a struggle for me, so I believe this was God’s way of humbling me and showing me that I cannot be the best at everything and that is HIS best for me.
- Being Responsible For Other People’s Happiness – Ever since I was a little girl I have always found immense joy in making others happy. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gone to the extreme of draining my own glass to fill up other peoples’. I am not in any way saying that I am a perfect daughter, granddaughter, friend, etc. But, I am saying that I felt selfish for focusing on my own happiness when I saw others, both near and far, in so much despair. Through the trails and tribulation of this self-discovery journey, I have learned that an unlit candle cannot light another. In other words, I have to light my own fire before I can anyone else’s. This doesn’t make me selfish; it makes me human. It doesn’t make me weak; it makes me human.
- Things I Don’t Need – This past couple weeks I have been donating unwanted furniture, clothing, books, you name it! And, boy, does it feel good! I love getting rid of things that are taking up space. I love walking into my bedroom and seeing the carpeting instead of excess furniture that was rarely used. I turned my not-a-walk-in closet into a walk-in closet by donating clothes that weren’t needed, shoes that weren’t being worn, and furniture that was taking up unnecessary space. At first I was so anxious driving to the donation center; my mind was racing and thinking of the 1 in a million chance I might need ‘said item’ 13 years from now. Thankfully, after the 2nd or 3rd trip, I drove away with the feeling of a weight being lifted off my shoulders. As humans we all need stuff, but we are so caught up in consumerism and “Keeping Up With The Jones'” that we lose sight of what we need and what we want because it is cool or fills a void we might not even know is there.
- Planning – This seems like an odd thing to let go of, especially in light of the New Year. I am not letting go of organization or order in my life, but I am loosening the reigns on my strong-willed “planning.” By “planning” I mean planning every second of every day. I mean having anxiety attacks if I don’t now what I’m doing the next hour. I mean making my days feel like a constant state of worrying about the age age old question, “What if?” This year I am going to keep organization, but I’m letting go of planning. God is the master planner and I am not.
Well, this post was started on January 1st and is being published on the 9th. I took a lot of time and effort into thinking and reflecting on this past year. I can honestly say I am not where I was last year in so many ways and for that I am grateful. I am not where I want to be, but I don’t know if as humans we ever truly get there. And, if we do, what do we have to look forward to then?
Feel free to let me know what you’re letting go of (or attempting to) in 2020!
Happy New Year!
What is/are your New Year’s resolution(s)?
Do you struggle with letting go of things?